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“When prayer seems to be unanswered, beware of trying to place the blame on someone else. That is always a trap of Satan. When you seem to have no answer, there is always a reason— God uses these times to give you deep personal instruction, and it is not for anyone else but you” My Utmost for His Highest august6 credit

Let me start by saying that it never ceases to amaze me the ways that God will continually try and get our attention. The issue of prayer and disconnect has been on my heart lately. Part of it is because i’ve not had much desire or intent to really connect with Him like i used to. The other part is that He has been dropping subtle hints that i’m not connected the way i need to be to really survive live. I’ve always noticed the difference in the way i act and react to situations when i’m intentional about my prayer life and when i’m more indifferent. The vices that have been defeated in my life through Christ are still defeated in Christ…when i’m living in him. When i’m not….well, that’s a completely different ballgame. My guard is down. My armor is off. I’m left naked, vulnerable and weak. I feel very little joy, if any, and i become the person i was before my rescue. The enemy stalks and pounces on the first opportunity he sees. The second that shield drops, there’s an arrow through the heart. The arrow steals my discipline, my love, my patience, my self-control. Gentleness and Compassion are nowhere to be found. Then again, I don’t really look for them because my eyes are deceived. The enemy is a tricky and cowardly bastard. His goal is not to have us, but rather to prevent us from being rescued.

In those subtleties from God, though, i start to come around. I receive grace and it’s beautiful. I feel young and in love. I start to realize what’s in my life that shouldn’t be there. But then i start blaming everyone around me for not holding me accountable. I’d make myself more accessible to God if i just had some accountability. I mean…why should i be responsible for cultivating my own growth?

I don’t know what else to say about this right now, so I’ll leave it at this: “Therefore, my brothers, as you have always obeyed- not only in my presence, but now much more in my absense- continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who works in you to will and act according to his good purpose.” -Philippians 2:12-13

-matt

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